Oh boy…

Well, CAHSEE testing already passed. Today was the Math portion. Yesterday, the English Language Arts Portion. Let’s rewind:

The Saturday before I went to Rachel’s “Journey to China” Banquet. I was so jealous of her. She’s so pretty and smart and sociable and etc. etc. Makes me feel horrible. Though sometimes she can be a real bitch. I really miss the old Rachel though. She used to be jolly. I know it’s mean to blame people on things, and definitely wrong to blame people who have been so generous to me, but I blame Rachel’s sadness on my Aunt. I really think their lives are so closely intertwined that my Aunt just has to hover over Rachel all of the time. Especially with the grades and competitiveness.

I’m pretty sure I’m just jealous of Rachel, because she’s so much better. And maybe even afraid that she’ll succeed, while I fail. I just justify myself with lame reasons like, “She had help from me and Ethel.” I’m pretty sure she works hard, but it seems like she has her life so easy. So planned out for success.

Oh my, I’m ranting. Back on the banquet.

She wore the same blue qipao I wore for my Journey to China Banquet, except she was tall enough for it and skinnier. Her speech was great, but maybe a bit too commercialized. Well, since she said it in Cantonese, I don’t think mistakes would be accecptable. My class’ speeches were all in Mandarin. We ate, the food was delicious.

You know, I’ve noticed that SO many students look so skinny and “perfect” body shaped. I wonder if they know they make people like me envy them. I can’t believe they even think they are fat. I mean, they SHOULD know why they’re so short. Eating isn’t the problem. Nor is exercise. Mr. Haddon makes them do plenty.

At the end of the Banquet I got to play with Jasmine. I saw Greg. He didn’t really change. But his sisters sure did. Then I got to be introduced to Chris Barber. Someone I previously liked. Very weird to meet someone I already know the name of. He’s very polite. Then I actually talked to Andrew. which is a surprise, I usually just avoid him.

You know. I just realized. I really pay much attention to boys. Because I constantly think about how much attention they give me. But wouldn’t it be crazy if a lot of boys liked me. I think I’m sort of shivering at the idea. I wouldn’t even know why they would do such a thing. I really don’t have anything special about me to share with them. I also tend to shrink away from relationships. I mean, its really sweet for a guy to confess to you, but giving them a response is very different.

Again … less about me. More about the Banquet.

When we left it was sprinkling. I miss those nights.  Those nights with light rain, beautiful Chinatown lights and signs. And then the sight of a little piece of home getting ready to sleep.

Sunday:

I woke up sick. Well, with a sore throat. I’m almost certain it was Oscar who gave it to me. But the rest of my family tends to favor males, since they’re old fashion [growing out of it though] Chinese people. They said it was because I walked in the rain to get to their house. OH PLEASE. I done that so many more times, and even with more distance to cover. Defending Oscar will definitely not teach him to cover his mouth when he coughs, or even teach him to not cough in people’s faces. How simple is that?

Monday: I got to school. And left by mod 6. Which meant I only took two classes. I was told I had the chills. And I certainly did. Probably two hours later my chills became the flu. Oh, lucky me. Just before the day of CAHSEE testing. Well, I made an appointment with the doctor and went to see her at 1:45PM. She said for me to take a few days off and just get some tylenol. I was in extreme pain and torture by the time I was waiting for my dad to return from finding my wallet. He want to bring me to Chinatown for a “better” doctor. He kept saying “one shot and you’ll be better by tomorrow!” I never did trust what he said. I was afraid that there was poison, Speed, or some kind of magical drug that makes an illness disappear so fast. Well, about my flu. I couldn’t breath too well. Not from my nose or mouth. They both really hurt. My throat felt like it was being stabbed over and over again by knives. PAINFUL. And coughing is bad too. My face was burning up. When my dad came back he asked for a slip to bring to my school. The original amount of time for me to recover was three days, but he told the nurse to change it to one. I was really tired and frustrated.

Well, while we were walking up a slope to go to a bus stop I couldn’t handle it anymore. I coughed and I felt like vomiting. It wasn’t a very good feeling, I’ll tell you. Well, I started tearing up, I really just wanted to rest. But no. Instead I had to go all the way to Chinatown from Sunset.

Eventually, I got the shot. And the doctors perscribed medication for me. Antibiotics and cold medicine. I’m sure I didn’t need anti-biotics. I wonder if they’re even credited enough. Do they even know that anti-biotics end up weakening your immune system and strengthening bacteria? I can’t believe my dad doesn’t believe me in this. If he doesn’t believe me with things, why should I believe him? If I just died or something from the medication he would probably just blame it on my relatives or me, but never his theories. I just hate that.

I sort of got better. My throat still had stabbing pain. But at least my face cooled down. My dad and I went to eat congee, but most of the stores ran out of the ones with the black eggs. I would’ve been fine with the ones in ABC, since there was a really cute guy sitting across from us with his parents. I wish I could see him more. After eating my dad wanted to buy things for new years, I was sent home alone because I couldn’t handle walking anymore. On the way back, which was probably 45 minutes ride, I had to hold in URGENT bladder problems. If I didn’t, then I would’ve been able to get a clear look at some other cute guys on the muni. Oh man, I’m so boy crazy.

Tuesday: Testing was weird. I was fine until my nose started bleeding, probably from sleeping with the heater on. That would have dried my inner nostril skin and caused a break. Ms. Gest is really nice, but I don’t like her. She exaggerated way too much. She sounded like I cut an arm off or something. But she seems very caring. And my bloody nose really was scary, it was spurting a lot of warm blood. I had tears too. Ms. Gest thought I was scared, but I was just frustrated that I couldn’t go finish my test. Plus, her reaction is very traumatizing. I was in the nurses office, entertained for a short while by an escort Mr. Ishibashi. Ms. Rozum came, and I was excused from school. Only to return so I can at least get to my classes. In the end, I got to finish my CAHSEE test in Mr. Ishibashi’s room. But for the price of half a days worth of education.

Today: I really feel like a slob, because I haven’t done much for my AP Euro projects. And being sick wasn’t a very viable excuse. I can’t believe how horrible I’ve become. How could I be so loose about school? Well, no bloody nose today. But I think I did really bad on the AP Euro project. Also, I think Joey thinks I’m a slacker, plus my other partners from the previous project. Badminton was fun though. It frees so much of my stress. It really makes me happy. Like when I was playing volleyball. I think I’m getting better at it too. I think my Chinese, speech-wise, has improved by very much since AFY. I had good tones and pinyin, as well as a clear voice. But I’m pretty sure the story I told was very improvised. I’m glad I didn’t do ultra bad though. Compared to Ms. Chao’s first comment on my Chinese (“You said ALL your tones wrong!”) I think I did good.

Okay, onto something that’s been bothering my mind. Do I have a tiny crush on Kevin or something. I really don’t want to. But I feel really bad for intentionally pretending he wasn’t there. I wonder why I did that. Okay, I’m answering that. I IGNORED HIM BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO. SMILE? SAY HI? But what I turned up doing was really wrong. I hope I can find the guts to say sorry. Using homework [getting homework from Mr. Nager] is not a valid excuse either.

Now, news on Genesis. I’m still writing. The second chapter is longer than I thought. Much longer than chapter 1. I’m just more detailed I guess.

Time to go. I’m sure this journal will be a handful.